I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
