so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
