I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
