the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
