My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
