Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
