i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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