I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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