You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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