I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
