maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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