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He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
