you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
