we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize