wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize