btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
