guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize