Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
