i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
