Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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