Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
