I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
