If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
