so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you didnt know i had herpes?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize