My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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