I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
