Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
