My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
