He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
