a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
