I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
