I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
