i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
