Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize