only you would photoshop your dick
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
