Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
