Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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