Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
