I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
