Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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