At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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