How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she told me i tasted like america
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
