Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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