Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
