i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
