he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
