i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize