Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
