We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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