I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
