Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
