Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We had to coat check the pizza.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
