I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
