I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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