just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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