He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
