she woke up with a sticky ear
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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