and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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