I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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