I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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