I queefed so loud it echoed.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
