She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
