you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
