i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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