I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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