I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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