the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
