If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
