"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
