I wish I only lived at night.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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