I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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