I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
