cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
