When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
