Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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