Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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