My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
