Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
