I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
