I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
