I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize