just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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