Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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