last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
