i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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