Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
