remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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