she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
