tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
