Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
