i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize