yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
