Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Come share oat with me in your robe
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
