Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
