Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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