I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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