dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
