I just cut my nipple shaving
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
