so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
