So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
