have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
