i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
