I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
