my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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