just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize