At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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