already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
